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Ed Shea refers to himself as a prevention or near divorce specialist.
About 60% of his clients are on the verge of divorce.
(Doings photo by
Steve Johnston) |
By
Marianne Cortopassi
Contributing Writer
On
Friday evenings, Edward Shea sits in his Elmhurst office and places a
telephone call to
Moscow, some 5,000 miles away.
Using Imago Relationship Therapy, he coaches
the American couple on the other end of the line in the art of dialogue.
It’s an
effective communication skill that cuts through criticism and hurt and
allows for marital and personal healing and growth.
A relationship
coach since 1972, Shea adopted the Imago style in 1992 after seeing co-creator
Dr. Harville Hendrix present the concept of intentional dialoguing
on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”
“I thought what he said
was so incredible, I signed up for the next Chicago workshop and became
a certified Imago coach,” Shea
said. “Imago -has contributed so much to my own marriage and my
being the parent of two children. It offers a practical and useful tool
that helps my wife and I grow as a couple.”
Shea always works with both people
in a relationship. That’s why Imago by Phone has become the preferred method
of counseling for many couples who don’t have time for an office session.
“People are incredibly
stressed by their schedules,” he said. “Some parents put
their children to bed, then get on the phone with me. Since a lot of
my clients travel, it’s easy to arrange a phone
session between a hotel in Los Angeles and a home in Hinsdale.”
Whatever the arrangement, Shea’s goal is to impart
a method of communication that couples can use to deal
with their problems long after
their sessions with him end.
Get the process and fire the coach,” he said. “The
main focus is for couples to learn the frustration dialogue
and be able to do it on their own. I’m like a personal trainer
who gives them a blueprint for growth, a vehicle for change.”
While Imago may or may not save the marriage, Shea
thinks it always makes a difference in people’s lives.
“If a couple does get divorced
after Imago therapy, they come apart with less pain and hurt because
they have a tool to deal with the emotions. They also co-parent better,” he
said.
On the flip side, many couples who learn Imago have a great
relationship and want to make it better. A fair number of engaged couples
come before they get married, often times receiving Imago therapy sessions
as a gift from parents who have gone through it themselves and seen a
difference in their marriage.
Shea offers no magical time frame for therapy,
but he said 12 sessions over three months gives most couples a good grounding.
He also has seen people receive the tools they need for communication during
four to six weekly sessions or even one long two-hour session. During the
sessions, Shea teaches the fundamentals of a good dialogue, including
mirroring and validating each other’s feelings.
“It’s
such a privilege to see couples walk the path more consciously and reactively,” Shea
said. “That’s when
romantic love becomes vintage love.” |
